Can’t We All Just Get Along?
November 14, 2008
by Contributor
|An Interim Path To Power for Women
I keep going back to those words of Rodney King, the African-American motorist who in 1991 was picked up by the L.A. police for speeding and beaten by them, which subsequently sparked a riot. After some time had passed, Mr. King pleaded to everyone, “Can’t we all just get along?” As I look back on the state of women’s affairs in 2008, those words haunt me.
So much has been written about women in 2008—what has been, what might have been, what it all means, etc., but there is one topic that needs to be aired out, and that is how we women can be our own worst enemies. Some cite cultural reasons why this is so, that our being disempowered has made it difficult for us to get along. In possessing little power in the United States (and everywhere else in the world) we grasp at whatever position we can, and it is often at the expense of other women.
Another example is the “girls on the playground.” We learn at a pretty young age how to gang up on each other and bully each other. “Alpha girls” we are called. A gang of girls goes after the poor soul who hasn’t worn the requisite fashion or used the correct slang, or whatever. We’ve all been on one end or the other of girl bullying and we know what it’s all about.
Then there’s the more complicated example of the elevated woman who sits at the table with the powerful. She’s got to protect her turf, and more often than not, she’s feeling like she’s on such shaky ground that she becomes a hindrance to other women’s progress.
We study whether it’s nature or nurture, this inability for women to support one another, and the jury seems to be mostly out on this one. The answer is that it depends. It depends on whom you reference. And the answer can get very complicated.
On the other hand, there are also marvelous examples of what women can accomplish by getting together. From keeping peace in our families to running volunteer organizations to running our own businesses—we possess some special traits. We women are expert at empowering and uplifting people to bring out their best. We are unique in our ability to forge consensus. We make extremely effective managers. We bring to the table a different set of sensibilities that, added to existing strains of thought, make organizations, well, just run better.
I keep thinking of the stories of my Jewish ancestors who came to this country during the large immigrations of the late 1800s and early 1900s. Over and over I heard how the Jewish people helped each other out to gain a toehold here. If one person broke a barrier to get ahead, they made sure that they hoisted family and friends along with them. I see the same thing repeated in real time in my own community. Here in Columbus, OH, we have the second-largest Somali population in the country, and I watch as this group holds out a hand and lifts each other up to get ahead. It’s truly the American Way.
I propose the same spirit of unity as an interim approach to women gaining political power. It is not good enough that in 2008 we hold 17% of the seats in Congress. It is not good enough that we have never had a woman hold either the Vice Presidency or the Presidency. By not being able to claim a greater hold on power, our country is less than it could be. We also send one more generation of girls the message that we are considered second-class citizens in our own country. And worse, the pressing and vital issues of concern to women will be either paid lip service to or completely ignored.
Our path to power is pretty clear. Rep. Carolyn Maloney of Long Island has said in her book, The 30% Solution, that by holding only 17% of the seats in Congress, women are constantly trying to call attention to women’s issues. She’s posits that if we hold just 30% of the seats (not even 50%) that we will never have to demand attention be paid to our issues ever again.
Our record in achieving more power has been sorry at best. In my lifetime, we have gone from 1% to 17%—and I’m 56 years old. Will it take another 50 years to get there? It doesn’t have to be that way, and we hold the power to change that in our own hands. What it will require is that women put aside their differences for awhile, get together, and vote for each other when we see a woman’s name on the ballot. An interim measure.
I can hear the screaming now—”I’m not voting for someone because she has ovaries,” or “It’s all about the issues to me,” etc. Ladies, we’ll just have to worry about that when we’ve achieved parity. Why? Not because we are stupid, or because we are pro this or anti that. It’s because of the old adage—if you keep doing what you’ve always done and expect to get a different result you are crazy!!
What kind of world do we want for our children—one where sexism is rampant and women have to struggle to get their concerns heard? In reality, that is the world we inhabit right now. It is so simple: we just need to get along, just for a little while. It will be good for us. Think about it—we’ll get lots more women elected, we’ll get some intractable problems solved, what could be a better legacy?
The irony is that women agree on 80% of the issues whether they are of the right or the left. Wouldn’t it be amazing with our increased numbers in Congress getting resolution to 80% of our agenda? We can do it! But women must start voting for women for a little while. I imagine that 10% of the women on the left and 10% of women on the right will find this idea worse than ridiculous. That’s okay. With an army of 80% of women supporting women and all of the men who agree with us, we will be an unstoppable force.
In Turkey recently, the women got fed up with not having enough women in their legislature. To make a point, they started to put on fake mustaches and wear them around. A whole movement was created through this mustache wearing, and changes were made. I don’t know what our “mustache” will be, but I know that we women are smart enough to put aside our differences for awhile. We can get along, and we will get women elected. Want to take the leap and be part of it?
Wow, good for Turkish women!
But Digby notes that Olbermann is at it again….envisioning “unwanted” women in politics being TAKEN OUT. Only, unlike Hillary’s imagined demise behind closed doors, this time Keith opening muses on her being chopped to pieces. While his female guest….giggles along:
http://www.dailyhowler.com/
…On Wednesday evening, Keith Olbermann was chatting with his “friend,” Margaret Carlson about—what else?—Sarah Palin:
CARLSON (11/12/08): We’ll always have Sarah Palin, it seems. But here, actually, the governors are wanting to talk about 2010, because the number 2012 is code for talking about Sarah Palin, which was where they do not want to go. …If they had their way, she wouldn’t be here tomorrow.
OLBERMANN: Wow. I mean, to what degree is that the other prominent Republican governors …that any of them are forming a power base behind Palin? Or are they intending to, you know, cut her up like a Roman dictator and smuggle her out under their robes?
CARLSON: Ha, ha. Well, they only say that quietly, Keith.
Sorry, but that’s very strange. A few months ago, Olbermann apologized for picturing Hillary Clinton getting beaten up by a bunch of goons behind locked doors. This week, he was picturing Sarah Palin getting cut up into pieces.
Within moments, he mockingly compared her to Lindsay Lohan—then, to Dizzy Dean.
It’s always surprising to see the way such fellows discuss the women they hate. They seem to find it hard to do so without picturing violence or turning to overt, gender-based derision…
er, “her” being Sarah Palin this time…
Beautifully written Cynthia.
And might I add – voting for a candidate BECAUSE she is a woman is perfectly rationale and perhaps necessary. Let NEWA work to show each candidate the way on the 80%!
I love this post- especially the image of the girls on the playground, teasing each other. It is an accurate portrayal of what happened to Sarah Palin. I just wrote a post about Camille Paglia’s support of Sarah Palin and her vision of a new and broader feminism, which could include pro-life advocates. Of course Camille got attacked by a bunch of “feminists” who are so blinded by the liberal agenda that they have failed to realize they have become misogynists themselves.
http://tinyurl.com/5k4hmf
@unapologetic: Paglia is also famous for writing hateful comments about “old school feminists”. She has also written hateful words about HRC. I hope she reads Cynthia’s post and takes it to heart.
I’ve always hoped, like Cynthia, that women be supportive of each other, even if they don’t agree on issues. It is in their best interest. In fact, I actually also used Rodney King’s words in a comment post during the election. I read a Greta von Husten blog post where she was slamming an anti-Palin feminist b/c that feminist was slamming pro-Palin feminists. I thought “A feminist slamming a feminist for slamming a feminist? Geez! Something’s gotta change here!” I hope now is the time for that change.
I am VERY glad I found The New Agenda.
“women agree on 80% of the issues whether they are of the right or the left”. How about a post showing a summary of this polling data to remind us that we are basically pulling for the same thing?
Women do agree on a great deal of things. People in fact, agree on things when you remove the partisan labels. They’ve done surveys of both the left and right and discovered that the vast majority of us share similar positions on issues. The media however, sneaks in there with extreme talking points, such as Palin wants to ban books. I remember at one point the meme of the day was that Hillary was going to put everyone on welfare. So people hear these things and they run to their party and wave their team colors to protect themselves from the book burning or the socialism or whatever it is they’re concerned about.
Women learn this behavior very young, and it’s reinforced their entire lives. Other women are viewed as a threat, they’re competition, they must be brought down. So a woman like gloria steinem’s first comment about Palin winds up being, she’s got nothing in common with us but a x chromosome! She’s on the out list, we hate her, she dresses funny, she’s not like us, let’s ridicule her. It is exactly like a third grade playground. How do we feel good about ourselves, we tear down another woman.
Now I really don’t like Obama and he said “periodically when she’s feeling down the claws come out, she’s trying to boost her appeal.” That is so not true about Hillary, she has consistantly refused to bash other women, including Palin. She is aware of how the game is played. Obama’s comment was really sexist, but it does describe the kind of behavior that some women engage in because of what they are taught from an early age.
Many of us have wised up to this trap and that is why it is so important to create a bipartisan women’s movement. People like gloria steinem might get it intellectually, but they don’t see how we are now being divided along partisan lines. So now being a feminist is dependant on being a Democrat. And for places like NOW, being a feminist is now dependant on being an Obama supporter. The feminist club just keeps shrinking, it should be about half the human race, but it’s now becoming a smaller and more exclusive club. But there is power in numbers and divsions reduce that power. If women ever figure out how to unite, they’ll be no stopping us.
I am more and more feeling the need for women to start their own party…it is scary to think that we keep trying to play a Boys game, and do not realize our own power and that it is a GIRL’S World…
52%…..
Just being and auxiliary to the men’s interests is getting stale…..
When I was a teenager, my mentor taught me this poem by Edwin Markham-
“He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout
But love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that took him in.”
It’s worked for me.
Men and women will not stop humiliating and disrespecting women until women refuse to play along with such treatment.
One of the important tactics Obama employed successfully was to attack every instance or perceived (or imagined) instance of racist remark or attitude. He and his supporters got right in the face of anyone who came even close to “the line.” True, I believe they overdid it and unfairly (and illogically) accused a lot of people of being racists who were not, such as the Clintons.
But no instance of a racist remark or action was met with accommodating silence.
Every time someone — even a friend or relative — says or does something that humiliates or disrespects a women simply because she is a women, that person needs to be confronted and told such behavior is unacceptable.
We won’t accomplish anything by “trying to get along.” We’ve been doing that for hundreds of years; trying to get along.
It’s time to stop trying to get along (by going along) and time to get in the face of anyone who utters a sexist remark or puts a woman down for the very same thing he or she would praise in a man.
–
“SHADOW” now . . . and “SHADOW” forever!
“Stop Humiliation And Disparagement Of Women”
lightacandle,
I don’t think the point of this post is that we should just try to “get along” with people who are behaving in a sexist and misogynistic way. The point is that women need to put aside our differences and concentrate on the things we agree about so that they we can move ahead with the 80% of our agenda that we share. We should agree to disagree on issues like abortion access and move ahead on equal pay, family leave, health care, and other concerns we have in common and can find a common cause to work for. When we have accomplished the 80%, then we can argue about the other 20%. As women we have let the 20% that we disagree about divide us, and it has kept us from accomplishing the 80%. It’s time to rethink things.
Women (and men) probably agree on 80% of the objectives, but not on how to achieve those objectives. Both the left and right, for example, want good health care readily available for all Americans, but there is little agreement on the best way to do it. Up to a point, that’s okay, but we seem to be well past the point of constructive argument..
I frankly don’t know why women constitute only 17% of Congress. On the other hand, I am optimistic we will have a female President or VP by 2012. Senator Clinton came very close this cycle and would have won the nomination (and the Presidency) if her campaign had started faster.
samanthasmom:
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
I don’t think men and women humiliate and exhibit disrespect toward women because they disagree with women about their views on (for example) abortion.
I think men and women humiliate and exhibit disrespect toward women because it is a “tradition,” a habit, the thing to do — it’s called playing along to get along.
It is that “tradition” or habit that is the problem, not our disagreement about substantive issues.
If someone puts me down because of my stance on a substantive issue, that person would actually be respecting me as an equal. That is not what’s going on with the disparagement and disrespect of women. What’s going on (for the most part) is that people disrespect women’s views on issues because they deem women to be less important and less likely than men to be holding seriously-arrived at views.
This isn’t about one person’s views versus another person’s views on substantive issues; the problem is that women and women’s views are held in low regard.
Ridiculing women is a nasty American pastime.
–
“SHADOW” now . . . and “SHADOW” forever!
“Stop Humiliation And Disparagement Of Women”
Dan has a good point about agreeing on the idea but not the method. Most politicians believe they can accomplish the idea one way while they are campaigning and another way once they’re in office. Unfortunately, not enough women have had the chance to do that because they’re not getting in office.
I’m definitely coming around to Ms. Ruccia’s way of thinking. Let’s just get more women in office! The rest will sort itself out.
If we can be truly non-partisian here and accomplish even a few of the small goals we have for women on the issues we can agree on, maybe that will spread and we can be the example for a new attitude in politics and this country. We have been at a stalemate on many issues for years because we have a constant partisian struggle going on and NOTHING gets done. There are always compromises to be struck if we can take the discussion back from the angry radicals on BOTH sides and realize that this standoff we are in just isn’t working. It’s such a cliche, but let’s try being part of the solution instead of part of the problem. I think the unanswered rampant sexism of this election is a perfect example of how things have gotten way out of hand and I am sick of the vitriol.
This issue has haunted me this election year. I started out in January deciding to support Hillary Clinton and I have been subjected to so much hate – from women. I find this statement too true:
this inability for women to support one another
When Palin was chosen by McCain, I was very excited to support the McCain Palin ticket. Again, I was subjected to hate – from women. Some of my closest female friends told I was only voting for a vagina.
Women pride themselves in not voting for other women. I just do not get it. I think men and women bring different strengths to the table and we need more of the strengths of women in our government.
A final note: I continue to be amazed that here in Virginia, Obama (D – male) won, Warner (D – male) won, Feder (D – female) lost. I have no choice but to draw conclusions from this fact……we are a sexist, misogynist country and, in this election, women allowed sexism to work.
As pointed in the article, we need to “get along” to vote for women to put more women in government…period….but we must also (as pointed out by candlelight) stop accepting the good ole boy sexism (don’t laugh, don’t smile . . . call it what it is).
Although it has been upsetting to see all the feminists bashing other feminists, there is a SILVER LINING. It seems that there are suddenly a lot of people calling themselves feminists. I haven’t heard or read the word “feminist” so much in my entire life. This has to be a good thing. It makes me think the times are ripe for change. All these people calling themselves feminists are expressing their opinions and showing their strength. If we can get all these strong feminists together, we can accomplish a lot. (Anyone who doesn’t call themselves a feminist is welcome to join the cause!) I think it is possible. Let’s make it a goal to start the new feminist culture, one of unity and respect.
I like what samanthasmom said “As women we have let the 20% that we disagree about divide us, and it has kept us from accomplishing the 80%.”
Let’s tell ourselves, from now on we’re all about the 80%! If you feel upset by something you read that you disagree with just tell yourself “80%!” If you want to write something disrespectful about other “branches” of feminism, think “80%”. If you read a blog post where one feminist is bashing another feminist group, post a comment with a link to this blog post. Encourage that blogger to focus on the 80%. Maybe we could even be pro-active and visit feminist sites in order to post comments about the 80%.
Again, the times are ripe for change, let’s make it happen.
80%, 80%, 80%
Spread the word!
80%, respect, unity
I would like to see more women elected to congress in 2010 and a woman on the ticket in 2012. And – see women support that ticket openly and loudly —–across the board and take on any media that trys the slam tactics of this election
Amen!
I’d like to see a Democratic woman run for the Senate seat that Chris Matthews wants.
Here is a perfect example of “playground” behavior. Read this and don’t even focus on the glaring lies and misrepresentations, just listen to the tone. CLAIRE M. GUEHENNO I’m betting is a woman. It just makes me so sad.
http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=525288
I think that the beauty of the 30% solution is that it is non-partisan. If we get 30% women in the House or the Senate, it will be better for both R and D women ( and men too). What I want to do is to fight to sponsor debates. Black and Hispanic groups do it all the time, how about a debate which approaches topics from a more feminine perspective. Another idea is to have questionnaires that we would send out to all of the candidates. We need to make sure that it is all non-partisan, our power lies in attracting the entire universe of women (and men that love us.).
Great article, Cynthia. Couldn’t agree more.
FTR, Maloney’s book is actually called Rumors of Our Progress Have Been Greatly Exaggerated. In case anyone wanted to buy it. I bought two copies and plan to buy two more as Christmas gifts. Supporting women in their financial endeavors is an important part of it.
Dick Cavett is looking down his nose at Governor Palin again, and the comments sections at the NY Times is rooting and snooting along. Cavett’s especially loathsome bit was, “May I confess that upon first seeing her, I liked her looks? With the sound off, she presents a not uncomely frontal appearance.”
http://cavett.blogs.nytimes.com/
Irene,
I invite you to click on our “Media” section – look at all the press we have received from major newspapers – and check if you can find even ONE story in the NYT!
I have to quit reading this stuff tonight or I’ll never get to sleep. What is this guy’s problem? The last couple of sentences really hacked me off! This contains not only sexism, but elitism is running rampant. As a person who was born in a rural town in Texas, yes we sound different and speak differently than Ivy League educated New Englanders. But it doesn’t mean we are stupid. When I used to travel to LA for business people would actually speak louder and more slowly to me after they heard my accent as if somehow that meant I was a little slow. Come on!
This reminds me of an old joke…
A woman from Texas and a woman from New York were seated side by side on a plane.
The woman from the South, having been taught to be friendly and all, said, “So, where ya’ll from?”
The Northern woman said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”
The woman from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, “So, where ya’ll from, b**ch?”
No offense to you Northern ladies!
Anna Belle – Thanks for putting the info about Maloney’s book in the comments – I hope the poster will change it, and link to Maloney’s site, where more can be read about the author and her groundbreaking work.
http://rumorsofourprogress.com
Also, I was the one that coined the term “The 30% Solution.” I posted about it at the New Agenda.
http://thenewagenda.net/2008/0.....-solution/
My source was Maloney’s book, in which she covers an entire range of issues regarding women and the advances they have made, and still need to make, in America. However, one of the things that really struck me was how there was a critical mass of women that simply had to be reached in government before any attention would be paid to our needs and issues.
A concrete goal is something the womens’ movement has been lacking for a long time. The idea of 30% MINIMUM representation seems like something we can all work towards.
Dawn C said on November 16th, 2008 3:49 am
I’d like to see a Democratic woman run for the Senate seat that Chris Matthews wants
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Frankly, I wouldn’t care if it was a Democrat, Republican, Independent, whatever to get the Senate seat that Chris Matthews wants. Just to see him lose is enough satisfaction. That guy does need to go!
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